Now let’s talk about the reasons why men often
I have been seeing my boyfriend for a year and a
half and we have a great relationship on all
levels (intellectually, physically, etc). However
unfortunately we have been ‘head-bashing’ over a
certain problem that keeps resurfacing in our
relationship and now it has literally come to a
point where he wants “time out”. I have a problem
trusting him and want to always control
situations. I have constantly been giving him
nonsense when he socialises with his female
friends, and have an insecurity that he will leave
me. It has been very strenuous on him and he
actually told me this morning that he wants to be
with me but he no longer knows what to do and
wants time out of this relationship…
I finally did something right this morning when
speaking to him (after reading your last email on
control), I just listened and said that I
understood. He said we will discuss it further
this evening. I am SO LOST! I don’t know what to
do to fix this now, and am not sure if this is
‘fixable’. I REALLY LOVE him and he loves me, but
it has been carrying on for so long he doesn’t
want to hear excuses anymore.
PLEASE HELP me. What can I do to make this work?
I will be forever grateful for your response!
Ok, I’m going to have to pull out the hammer
here because you’re doing the worst of all things-
Using your fear and neediness to justify
hurting yourself and pushing your guy away.
Here’s what I want you to do…
Please go to the nearest mirror, look yourself
dead in the eyes, and then slap yourself hard
across the cheek.
Oh, and make sure your boyfriend is watching
too, so you can then turn to him, freak out and
cry, and then blame him for “making you do it.”
And when he responds by saying, “But you just
I want you to freak out even more until he
starts to think that something is going really and
truly wrong with you in the head.
AND THEN… I want you to get even more upset
because now he thinks your crazy… and act even
more crazy and emotional as you wonder, “What did
I ever do to make him not want to be around me and
doubt our future together?”
Once you do all this, then you should be able
to recognize that this has roughly the same effect
with your boyfriend as your current thinking and
Follow me here?
Good. Now let’s get down to it.
I want you to understand that your fear and
jealousy is NOT going to go away, EVER, until you
decide to get this part of your life handled.
The reality right now is that no matter how
good your relationship with a man might be, or how
much reassurance you scream and cry to try and get
him to give you… it will NEVER be enough for you
because your mind will find a way to freak you out
and ruin things for you.
These same insecure, needy, negative feelings
that drive men away are going to keep coming up
over and over in place after place until you are
Here are a few important questions you need to
consider right now:
How do you think all your negative emotional
fears and frustrations are affecting the man in
And how do these make him think and feel about
you and your relationship?
And what would he tell you and ask you for if
he wasn’t afraid of freaking you out, and was open
*Hint- learning to listen and understand a
man’s feelings is also a huge part of creating a
strong relationship that meets BOTH of your needs.
If you want to learn how to get a man to listen
to you better, understand what you’re going
through without getting frustrated or angry, and
commit to working through it with you and opening
up, then I suggest you check out my “From Casual
To Committed” CD/DVD program.
It’s literally packed with amazing tips, ideas,
exercises and strategies to help you move past
RESISTANCE to growth and understanding with men in
relationships and become closer than you ever
thought was possible.
If you haven’t recognized it yet, men commonly
have a kind of RESISTANCE to working through
intense emotional situations in relationships.
And it’s often these same few areas of
RESISTANCE that cause conflict in relationships
and lead to men to pulling away or leaving.
My “From Casual To Committed” program covers
the common points of male “resistance” that come
up in relationships that keep you from growing
closer and more committed on a physical and
Now back to it.
The good news is that your situation isn’t
hopeless or “unfixable.”
But first, I want you to realize a few
important truths about men and the common reasons
why they leave relationships with women they like
Reason #1: The “Pleasure Principle”
Men, and women, generally want to FEEL GOOD in
And they want to have the people around them be
a source of pleasure and comfort and support.
When you are constantly freaking out on a man
for what it is about him that freaks you out, you
quickly turn into one of the people that it
DOESN’T FEEL GOOD to be around.
And this has a huge impact on whether or not he
wants to invest more time, effort, and energy in
you and your relationship.
Or if he will decide to give up on trying to
fix what’s going on with you so you can both feel
Reason #2: Emotional Experience And The Future
For a man in a relationship, the ways a woman
acts in the “little” situations become indicators
of how she’s going to respond when things really
are tough and in the future.
So if a woman is consistently negative and
emotional… and can’t get herself together even
when a man tries to explain things and comfort
her… then a man isn’t going to think that things
could be any better in the future together.
Reason #3: Lost Feelings Of Attraction
Love can be important to a man.
But just like a woman, if he doesn’t also keep
experiencing the exciting and addictive feelings
of CONNECTION and ATTRACTION with the woman he
loves… then eventually EVERYTHING ELSE starts to
When a man doesn’t FEEL that deep level of
connection with a woman, at least every so often
to remind him of why he’s with her, then he’ll
forget why… and the relationship will become
just a whole bunch of “work” to him.
Whenever he thinks of his girlfriend, he’ll
think of all the problems, frustrations, and
negative emotions and experiences… and he’ll see
a future and a commitment as something that will
make him LESS SATISFIED in his life.
Often times when women are feeling distance or
trouble in a relationship, they’ll try to “talk”
to a man and work on “the relationship.”
Big mistake if you want to turn things around.
For a man, he wants to do things together (not
talk) to know his relationship is working.
Creating a deep level of connection and sharing
the attraction you have is one of the most
powerful and important keys to giving a man his
own reason for wanting to be with you, no matter
If you want to learn the secrets to easily
creating or recapturing the intense attraction
that will have a man asking you for more
attention, then check out my “Natural & Lasting
Attraction” CD/DVD program.
It will show you exactly how to get back to
sharing intense Physical and Emotional Attraction,
and give you the 6 keys to the kind of deep
lasting attraction that will keep your
relationship moving forward and strong.
Reason #4: The “Neediness” of Co-dependence
A man wants to be with a woman that brings
something better to his life, not take away his
time, energy, and emotional “stability.”
So when a woman doesn’t have much going on for
herself in her own life a few things happen.
First, she focuses on her relationship too much
as her source of happiness or unhappiness.
You can tell when you’ve done this in your
relationships in the past when you’ve said things
“I can’t believe how I hardly ever saw any of
my friends while we were together.”
“I can’t believe I let him control me that
“I feel so stupid for wasting so much of my
time on our relationship, when I could have been
doing things for me and my life.”
The reality is that no man and no relationship
is capable of being everything to a woman.
And no relationship requires that you sacrifice
all your time, life, and energy for it… no
matter how much it seems that way.
But our relationships can “trick” us into
believing that they need all of our time and
attention just to survive.
In fact, the way this works is completely
Often times men leave a woman because they see
that she depends too much on him and has lost her
own sources of happiness… and this not only
looks and feels “needy” to a man, but it keeps the
woman from having much to bring into the
relationship and add to their lives together.
Reason #5: “She’s Trying To Fix Me…”
Every few weeks or months I come across someone
who says or alludes to the idea that “people don’t
People often change their state of mind in an
Especially from happy to sad.
Of course, changing perspectives, opinions, or
beliefs can take a bit longer… but these change
A man can and will “change” and compromise for
It’s a fact.
I see it all the time where men let go of their
“bachelor lifestyles” for one special woman, and
change a ton about their social lives.
But this only happens when a man has HIS OWN
REASONS to change.
It NEVER works, or lasts, if a man simply tries
to change for a woman, or for the sake of the
There’s a rule I like to use in my life
whenever I come to a situation where I’m trying to
align my own desires or goals with someone else’s:
“All motivation is self-interest.”
In other words, if you’re trying to create a
great situation with a man, you’re going to need
to understand what HIS REASONS are going to be for
doing the work on his end to make it happen.
But lots of women try and get a man to change
by showing a man how it affects THEM, not him.
This is the exact opposite of understanding
that people are motivated by the things that THEY
WANT, and not what others feel and want.
It takes some maturity to accept that other
people (men) have their own unique way of seeing
things and wanting what they want (to stay and
work things out, or not).
But once you learn to accept these things and
start to work with them instead of against them,
life gets a whole lot easier.
And a whole lot more fun. So those are 5 of
the most common reasons and situations about why
men leave women and relationships.
One of the most important things underlying all
these 5 reasons is the EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE that
you create with a man.
I think of the emotional experience that you
share with a man in your relationship as the door
through which your relationship will either open
up and move forward…
Or on the other hand, as the barrier that
causes a relationship to stay shut and go nowhere.
And I look at COMMITMENT as a man and a woman
agreeing to open the door together and walk
But the truth is that men don’t COMMIT for the
same reasons most women do.
They don’t think about, talk about, or want to
walk through the door the same way most women do.
That’s why the “process” by which most men
commit is different.
For most women, there’s often a kind of tension
and resistance built into moving forward in a
relationship with a man.
And I’m not just talking about the spoken words
of that make a commitment… but about the
“emotional commitment” a man has inside with you.
If a man is deeply committed to you and your
relationship on an emotional level, then any
“issues” you run into are just going to be “bumps
in the road” to him. And he’ll be confident,
comfortable, open, and secure with you in working
But if a man ISN’T “emotionally committed” to
you, then each and every little problem is going
to cause him to get irritated, frustrated, and
have him wanting to blame you and withdraw.
Which is, in turn, going to make things much
less CERTAIN for you.
To learn exactly how the commitment process
works with a man and create and deepen the
“emotional commitment” you have with a man that
will bring a new level of CONFIDENCE and CERTAINTY
into your relationship, then check out my “From
Casual To Committed” CD/DVD program.
All the details and sample video clips from a
few of the best parts of the program are at the
And here’s something special I’ll do for you…
Let me know you’re interested and I’ll ship you
a free copy of this program and let you work with
all the ideas, concepts, strategies, and exercises
for a full 30 days… completely at my own risk.
Just go to the link below to order your copy of
the program, and then take an entire month to work
with the materials in it.
I want you to see how it moves your love life
forward, and helps the man in your life start to
move forward with you on his own.
If you don’t like the program for any reason,
or get more results than you expected, simple send
the program back to me before 30 days and you
won’t pay a thing. No questions asked.
If you like it (and I’m 100% confident that you
will) then go ahead and keep it and I’ll bill you
in a few easy small monthly payments.