Hey there Friends- tons of women tell me
how hard it is to find a great guy these days.
Especially a little later in life after a break
up or divorce.
Know what I’m talking about?
Well, then let me ask you…
If you did somehow meet a great guy… are you
confident that you’d know what this attractive,
successful, and “together” single man was really
looking for in a woman?
And more importantly… would you know how to
have him RECOGNIZE YOU as the right woman for
him and want to be with you and explore a real
If you’re like some other women I’ve met and
worked with, then it’s been a while since you’ve
“dated”(or wanted to “date” or get out there).
Which begs the question…
Do you even know how you REALLY come off when
you’re around a great guy and you’re in that
uncertain and awkward “casual dating” stage?
What’s tough here is that meeting men and “dating”
can make it way too easy for you to act nervous,
get a little freaked out, and NOT be your true
Plus… lots of women THINK they know what a man
wants, and pretend to understand what will get a
man’s attention and win his love and devotion…
But the reality is that too many women end up
making the exact same mistake from the start-
they do and say the things with a man that would
attract THEIR love and desire… instead of doing
what works for HIM.
Now my friends… I’d like to share a few
important things about men and why they are the
way they are in relationships.
There’s a common situation way, way too many
loving women experience…
It’s when you meet a great guy, things get
off to a great start, your relationship deepens,
and you share lots of love and affection…
But then at some point in the relationship,
for what seems like no reason, the man seems to
suddenly lose interest and start to show you or
tell you that he’s not sure he wants to be
But what changed?
You racked your brain to try and remember
something that had actually happened that would
have changed his mind about you and your
relationship… but there was nothing.
It was like one day he woke up and was a
different person who no longer could remember or
get in touch with his feelings for you and all
the things you share.
And worst of all… part of you felt like
there was nothing you could have done to PREVENT
IT, or to FIX IT once it happened.
Once he made up his mind, that was it.
Things were never the same.
And even if you did “patch things up”…
in the back of your mind you knew it was only
temporary. And that this surely wasn’t a SECURE
Who knew when the next time he’d change his
mind would be and send you and your relationship
into a total tailspin.
I’d like to share with you what’s going on
inside a man’s mind in these situations…
And how to not only AVOID these kinds of
situations in your future – but make sure you
end up in a relationship where the man can’t
help but want to hold your relationship together
and do HIS PART.
An amazing shortcut to improving your
relationship by allowing you and a man to break
through any DISTANCE that might be between you…
and “shift” any negative patterns you have in the
way you talk and share with each other is in my
“Communication Secrets” program.
It is possible to have a man wanting to talk
to you and opening up his heart and mind after
months or years of being CLOSED, and do this with
just a few small changes in the way you start
conversations and share your feelings.
Ok, here’s something super important I need
you to know about a man and how he either makes
a great partner, or leaves you heartbroken…
THE IMPORTANCE OF CHOOSING THE RIGHT MAN
Every so often I get an email from a woman
who writes just to tell me what a jerk I am, and
how I should take a hike because I keep putting
all the responsibility on YOU, the woman.
I can literally FEEL the frustration and
intensity that comes across in these emails.
The first thing I want to say is that if
you’re a woman who has been holding a relationship
together with your own two bare hands for months
or years of pain and heartache… while your
guys does all kinds of ridiculous and stupid
stuff again and again, then I feel for you.
These kinds of situations are not great,
I wish the best for you. And so you know…
a true goal of what I consider my “Purpose” and
life’s work is to help you share and experience
the kind of love you really want. And to help
you do that without having to go through as much
pain and frustration as you might have had to
endure in your past.
In a way, I wish I could keep you from ever
feeling like you have to do all “the work” in
your relationship ever again.
But here’s the reality…
I don’t choose the man you bring into your
life for you.
And I don’t choose the things that you choose
to say and do and feel with a man.
One of the most important things I’ve learned
over the years helping women is this-
If you don’t know when enough is enough…
then you’re destined to contribute to your
How many girlfriends have you known who have
been with guys who might have been “OK” people,
but the guy just kept doing things to them over
and over that broke their heart again and again?
And you watched as each time things went
bad, the same cycle of behavior started again,
only to end up exactly where it left off the
last time with her telling herself he would
change and things would be different.
You wished you could pull your girlfriend
out of this, but all you could do was support
her and be a loving shoulder to cry on when
the predictable bad cycle started again.
But let me ask you…
You might not realize it right now, but
odds are that if you’ve had a run of “failed”
relationships… then you too have been guilty
of both choosing the WRONG MAN… and of trying
to fix or save a situation that was never yours
to try and salvage in the first place.
As a good friend of mine Marie Forleo likes
to say… Men are “as is” items. Like a pair of
If you buy a pair “as is”, you can’t bring
them to the repair shop and expect everything to
be taken care of and fixed.
Sales are final. No returns. No repairs.
Lesson: Beware the pair you choose.
Men are the same way when you’re considering
a real long-term relationship.
If you’re taking a good hard look at a man
you want to change something about him – it’s
wise to understand that he’s not a ball of clay
who can be shaped over time.
He’s more of a pot that was made from clay
who has already been “fired.” He’s “fixed” as
far as you’re concerned once you’re in a
relationship with him.
That is, unless HE DECIDES he wants to grow
and change FOR HIMSELF. (Hint – notice that I
didn’t say change for YOU.)
No, men can listen and grow and change with
the help of others. And good men grow, and do
But it usually takes a strong teacher, mentor
or authority figure for a man to hear them and be
open to learning from their feedback.
But this DOES NOT mean that you should become
a man’s “teacher.” (Although too many women try.)
You ABSOLUTELY 100% CANNOT take on this role
as a man’s “teacher” AND at the same time be THE
WOMAN he truly loves, wants to please, and is
passionately ATTRACTED TO.
The two roles just don’t go together.
Taking on one role simply doesn’t allow you
to act as the other.
Following me here?
So knowing that… which role would you like
to be in your relationship to the man you love?
The woman who is constantly trying to get a
man to change, and who has to struggle with who
and what a man is? (The Teacher)
Or the woman a man can’t help but want to
LOVE, and is so deeply affected and moved by
that he can’t help but want to be a better man
just to be recognized and appreciated in her eyes?
Let me give you a hint here:
Lots of women who take on the role of the
“Teacher” often do so out of DESPERATION and
FRUSTRATION with their current relationship
because the man doesn’t treat them as the beloved
Lover they want to be treated as.
And because of this, the “teaching” they try
and do with the man is accidentally done in a
way where he feels CRITICIZED. (Which often
happens as a woman tries to tell a man where he’s
going wrong – even when she’s coming from a place
of LOVE and SUPPORT.)
Truth be told, a man doesn’t want a woman
who will try and change him or tell him how to
think or act.
Think “nagging” in a man’s mind.
A man, just like a woman, wants someone who
will make him feel APPRECIATED for who he is.
Long story short, I don’t think that you, as
a woman, should have to do all “the work” in your
relationship, and constantly be looking for
what’s wrong with YOU.
Men should do their part in love and in
It’s my belief and experience that the only
thing you can do in a real relationship out of
true love to help your partner is to:
A) RECOGNIZE and ACCEPT who your partner REALLY
is, and not what you want them to be
B) Be the very best “you” that you can be. And
not just for the sake of your relationship, but
for your own sake.
Considering this last point, why would you
ever be upset about being the one to be CONSCIOUS
and GROWING in the way you are in your
Let me land the plane a little bit here…
The reason why I don’t talk about how to change
or “fix” a man is because I know you CAN’T FIX
The more you try, the more unhappy you are
going to be, the more the man in your life is
going to resent you and not enjoy being around
you… and the more your relationship is going
to fall apart.
Trying to “fix” a man is a GIANT trap that
way too many women unconsciously fall into in
their relationships without ever realizing it.
And it’s this “teaching” that a man perceives
not as love and a desire to improve your
relationship, but as CRITICISM, that is the very
thing that PUSHES HIM AWAY and makes him WITHDRAW.
Ironic, isn’t it – that the more you try and
“fix” your relationship by talking to a man, the
more you can make him feel like your relationship
just isn’t working.
If you’ve read my eBook, than you know all
about the trap of trying to CONVINCE a man to
change and feel or act differently. And you know
how and why this only creates more RESISTANCE
inside him to a deep and loving committed
The way to instead make a man recognize that
you’re the woman he feels like he’s destined to
be with is to understand how both ATTRACTION and
COMMITMENT works for a man.
If you don’t understand HOW and WHY a man will
decide he wants to love and COMMIT to a woman,
then making your relationship LAST with a man is
going to be all “uphill.” All “work.”