And despite all your efforts, neither you NOR he became the least bit happier or more fulfilled, despite everything you tried.
So you finally took matters into your own hands and broke things off… (while secretly hoping that he’d change once he saw that you were serious about leaving him).
But this only ended up making you feel WORSE and less certain about whether you were doing the right thing.
If you’ve been through this situation, or something similar as a woman, you’re not alone.
Below is one of the most common emailquestions I receive and my response about what to do if you’re in this place in your lovelife.
Keep reading to find out what to do ifyour relationship hasn’t been “working”… and why trying to “fix” things only leads you to more of the same unfulfilling experiences that are pushing you and the man in your life apart.
I’m about to show you a better way…
***QUESTION FROM A READER***
I wondered if you could help. I was going out with a guy for 10 years. At the start we were madly in love, there was passion, security, everything, although intellectually we were incompatible. I needed friends and other contacts which he resented. He became increasingly jealous and controlling. We lived together but in February of this year I moved out. I couldn’t stop seeing him entirely. I was still attached to him. However this August he came round to my house and after a particularly ugly display of emotion he kicked my door. I said I no longer wanted any contact and kept that up for nearly 3 months. He was broken hearted and begged me back many many times. I was as cold as ice and still resentful as to his behavior previously. Over time I softened and thought it might be time to meet up. At the last minute I cancelled and he went out on a pub crawl. Overnight his attitude changed!!!! He met someone else who he has been seeing for the last3 weekends (even though he hates to admit it). I knew straight away. Now it is me who is heartbroken. I feel that life has come back and kicked me in the teeth and I want him back. I miss him. However after trying to see him and getting replies like he needs ‘space’ I have decided to cut all contact again. What can I do? Will he come back? Or has he just met a newer model and in fact his feelings for me were superficial?
I’ve got to be honest with you.
I cringed as I read several things here… and the only thing running through my head was,
“WHAT IS SHE THINKING!?!?”
Do me a favor-
Take a deep breath… center yourself fo a minute… make sure you’re sitting up straight
and paying attention… and go ahead and giveyourself a good hard SLAP!
OK. Now that you know how much this hurt and how dumb this is to do to yourself… I want
you to go ahead and do it again.
Give yourself one more good hard SLAP across
Now, in case you don’t get it yet, this is exactly what you’re doing to yourself in your love life right now.
By slapping yourself, you’ve just PHYSICALLY experienced what it is that you’re doing to yourself EMOTIONALLY in your love life.
Hopefully now you’ll start to wake up to what you’re doing to yourself here.
But let’s get on to WHAT TO DO.
There’s a very complex and sophisticated”technique” I’m going to show you that you needto use in your situation…
Pay close attention here, because this oneis tricky. Too tricky for lots of women.
Here’s the complex technique I want you to use in your situation-
For anyone else who was seeing things clearlyand thinking about what would actually work in their love life… moving on would be pretty simple and straightforward.
But not for you.
And yeah, I get that breakups and movingon isn’t as easy as 1, 2, 3. It can take timefor you to move past your old feelings.
But clinging to your old feelings and yourfalse ideals of how things were in the past, andtrying to get back there is only leading to your own SUFFERING, and taking you back to a place thatyou honestly don’t want to be.
Here’s the thing…
It’s painfully obvious, and any old “pop psychologist” could tell you, that as soon as this guy stopped pursuing you, you wanted him back.
But that’s actually NOT the REAL TRUTH here.
The real truth is that as soon as a man isn’tpursuing you, you of course want the ATTENTION back.
But more importantly, you want the strange comfort that comes from having ANY MAN around that
you believe has the POTENTIAL to be a good manand “make you happy” (instead of insisting on a
man who is actually a good man).
I’m getting pretty deep here, so I’ll get tothe point.
If you were honest with yourself, you’d realize that you’re NOT concerned with wanting this particular guy back.
No. Instead, you want him back at your doorstep in the hopes of AVOIDING something else you know in the back of your mind would be far worse for you than being back in your oldrelationship that didn’t work in the first place.
Something that makes you feel 50 times more fearful and uncomfortable than not getting this particular man back into your life.
And that certain something is BEING ALONE.
Think about it for a minute…
I want you to step back from everything goingon around you and in your love life right now.
And I want you to get in touch with what’s going on for YOU, instead of what’s going on
with the man in your life.
Now answer a simple question for me-
Answering honestly, how many of the thingsthat you do, or the things that you’ve chosen for yourselfwhen it comes to men and relationships, stems from your own personal fear of being alone?
Take a minute to think this through.
This could be a huge moment for you rightnow… so open your mind up and take a good hard look.
I’ll give you a few minutes to think aboutthis.
Now, did you see anything new that you didn’trecognize about yourself before?
Take out a pen and a piece of paper rightnow and write down what you just learned oridentified about yourself.
To compare notes now, let me share some common things women do to avoid their fear of being single or alone…
-Dating “Unavailable Men”: This one is commonbut counterintuitive to understand. Lots of women who are afraid of being alone end up picking the same kind of men over and over who just don’t “get it” and don’t show up emotionally in relationships. Of course, if you do this, at the root of the problem is YOU. You don’t believein your ability to meet a REAL MAN, or to havea REAL relationship… so you take what comesalong (anything) and try to make the situation, and the man, into something more than it is.
-Accepting “Unacceptable” Behavior From Men: Ifyou’re a woman who’s afraid of being alone morethan you are of being in a BAD, NEGATIVE, HURTFULRELATIONSHIP… then guess what you’re likely toend up with? That’s right… a bad relationship.
-Acting “Needy”: When you are afraid of beingalone, or living independently, men can quicklysense this inside you… even if you don’t eversay it. You send off a kind of “vibe” or “energy”when you get close to a man. Usually this looks,in part, like clingy or needy behavior. And guesswhat? This is 100% Grade A Man-Repellent ifyou are looking to ATTRACT a man and build the foundation for a lasting relationship.
Those are just a few off the top of my head.
Recognize anything here?
If so, and you’d like a shortcut to learninghow to get rid of the negative thinking and behavior that isn’t working and TURNS MEN OFF…
Then it’s time you learned exactly how any woman can magnetically draw a man in on a DEEPEMOTIONAL LEVEL for a more connected and lasting kind of situation.
And as luck would have it, I’ve already put together an entire CD/DVD program to help you as a woman do exactly that – create an intense level of ATTRACTION with a man that will draw
him in and emotionally “connect” him to you in a way that will carry your relationship forward
By the way, if you’re a woman who is having the kind of self-doubt, fears, or insecurities that run deeper than just a fleeting thought or worry that a man might prefer a “newer model” as the reader in the email above said… then I’ve got some good news for you.
I’ve got a program that’s going to help you quickly move past your fears about yourself, about men, and about relationships.
And do it ONCE AND FOR ALL.
You don’t have to struggle over and over with the recurring and constant fear, worry, and anxiety that you might have tried to convince yourself is just you, and the price you pay to try and find love in your life.
There is a way to finally “align” yourself mentally and emotionally in a way that will allow you to bring LOVE into your life.
“All the text above is not blog owner’s idea; it’s somebody els.”