07
Oct
08

Get Him Back or Not?

My Friend – have you had some tough times with 
the man you are with and now you’re wondering
if it’s too late to try and save it or fix things?

Here are 2 choices you have the power to make
in this situation:

Choice #1) Try Talking To Him

Even though this SEEMS like the right thing to
try and do to help things along, 99% of the time
it just doesn’t work with a man.

You might have already seen this from your
past experiences.

But WHY doesn’t this work?

Usually it’s because when you’re not feeling great
about your relationship, you end up sharing with
a man in a way that is negative and attacking,
which makes him feel resistant about opening up
and working through it.

This is one of the most common ways in which
things BACKFIRE on great women who want to stay
close to their man.

And this is also what often starts an ongoing
pattern of WITHDRAWAL in your man, to where he
tries to AVOID talking about your relationship
or your feelings altogether.

Don’t fall into this trap again, if trying to talk
to your guy has proven not to work for you.

So what else can you do?

Choice #2) Inspire His Devotion Again

How do you inspire a man to fall in love with you
all over again?

How do you get that intense ATTRACTION burning
again inside him the way it was when you were
first together and he wanted to stay up all night
with you talking and being together?

First, you need to identify and stop the patterns
in your relationship that are BLOCKING the love
and affection you already share for each other,
and get these out of the way.

Then… you need to help you both “re-engage” in
your relationship in an authentic and natural way
that will have a lasting effect.

All right, Moses,

What if you’re in a relationship that has gone
downhill because of the things you’ve said and
done?

Is there any way to start over and get him
back?

I received an email from a reader who is in
exactly this situation.

**Question From A Reader**

Hi Christian.
I have just read your latest email about mistakes
and i have to admit I nearly wept. You are totally
right! I recently started spending a lot of time
with a guy I used to know. We had an instant
connection and he was exactly as you said:
affectionate at first, initiating plans etc, then
I made not one mistake but ALL of those you
mentioned in your email, and as you said…. he
pulled away big time. The attractions gone for
him now. What I want to know is, is there any way
I can reverse the damage I have caused? Can I get
my friendship with him back on track? Is it
possible he may learn to feel again what he once
felt for me? Please help. Im at my wits end and
I really do miss having him in my life. I would
be grateful for any advice you could give me on
this matter.

Thanks,
N.W.

**My Response**

OK.

Let me get right to the point here about
what you need to do…

First off, as you start to recognize new
things about yourself and the mistakes you’ve
been making with a man, it’s very easy to start
thinking that things are EVEN WORSE than you
thought they were, and for this to freak you out.

But don’t let this stop you from continuing
to learn and grow.

There’a funny thing that happens to us in
life…

It’s that any time you develop a new AWARENESS
and you start seeing your behavior and
interactions in a new light… at first you often
feel like kicking yourself.

But getting down on yourself, feeling overly
frustrated and hopeless, and letting the lack
of CONTROL you have in your new situation doesn’t
help.

Here’s the reality if you’ve recognized that
you’ve been making some of the mistakes with men
I talk about…

It’s NEVER TOO LATE.

Here’s why…

The man you were dating liked you and was
attracted to you for some reason.

And as much as it might seem like his
feelings have changed forever towards you,
there’s something you should realize-

A man’s FEELINGS can CHANGE VERY QUICKLY,
whether you want them to or not.

And you know this from past experience.

Now… most women don’t handle this reality
about men, dating, and relationships very well
at all.

In fact, lots of women let this completely
freak them out and take over their emotions
and how they act and talk with a man.

What’s behind all this is FEAR.

Fear of loss.

Fear of rejection.

Fear of abandonment.

Fear of not being loved, or not being good
enough to be loved.

And lots of women let these fears take
over and run the show as their emotions get the
best of them.

Of course, I get that it can be a frightening
idea that all it takes is just a few wrong words
or actions as a woman and “Wham!”… the man in
your life that you’ve been sharing so much of
yourself with is suddenly not feeling it for you
anymore.

But here’s the thing…

The fact that a man’s feelings can change
so quickly has TWO SIDES to it.

See, if a man’s feelings can quickly change
from feeling interested and attracted to a woman,
to feeling that “Ewwwww” feeling where he wants
to get away from her…

It’s also true that a man can quickly change
from feeling UNATTRACTED and uninterested
in a woman… to feeling intensely ATTRACTED and
wanting to spend time with her again.

In other words, men’s feelings and their
reactions and responses to a woman can change
quickly in EITHER DIRECTION – from good to bad,
or from bad to good.

Of course, I’m not just telling you this
because it sounds like it makes sense.

I KNOW all this firsthand, and have watched
and experienced it during the YEARS I’ve spent
observing, studying, and coaching women with
men, love, and relationships.

I can honestly say that I’ve helped thousands
of women create what I’ll call instant “shifts”
in their lives and relationships… and do this
with men they thought they had driven away for
good.

The point is… you can either let the fact
that a man’s feelings can change as a result of
your behavior SCARE you and make you ANXIOUS
and INSECURE… (which will only make things
worse for you)

Or…

You can see that the fact that a man’s
feelings can quickly change, can work to your
advantage… and you can use this fact to have
a man very quickly go from NOT FEELING IT for
you… to feeling that gut-level ATTRACTION for
you in a few short moments and interactions.

I’ve literally seen men go from feeling like
they had to get away from a woman they were
dating and telling all their friends that it
was over…

To then suddenly remembering why it was
that they were interested and attracted to that
woman in the first place, and then start calling,
making plans, and thinking about her all the
time.

I’ll even have to admit that I’ve done this
myself in the past.

Now, here’s what to do with all this…

Becoming more AWARE of what’s going on with
men, dating, and relationships is just the first
step.

Being able to simply IDENTIFY the PROBLEMS
that are causing a man to suddenly lose interest
is the battle most women struggle endlessly with
and are NEVER able to come to understand.

So… it’s great when you start to really
become CONSCIOUS of your own thinking, feelings,
and behavior, and how they affect the man in
your life

But…

All the self-awareness in the world isn’t
going to teach you and show you exactly
what it is that you need to START DOING to go
from pushing a man away to making him feel an
INTENSE level of ATTRACTION when he’s around you.

Finding out what the PROBLEM is, is just half
the answer that teaches you about what it is
that you need to STOP DOING.

But you’ve still got to put the puzzle pieces
together on what to START DOING.

Let me give you a quick pointer:

STOP TALKING to the man in your life about
the mistakes you’ve made… or about what’s
happening in your relationship.

And stop it RIGHT NOW!

Let me ask you…

What are men seeking more than anything in
a woman?

Well, when it comes to a man finding a woman
he wants to be with and STAY with… men are
looking for a woman who is FUN, SEXY… and
most important in terms of building a lasting
long term relationship – EASY TO BE WITH.

This might sound too simple to be something
that could change your life and relationship…

But the reality is that most women who are
having problems with men losing interest in them
because of their behavior are completely
misunderstanding what’s going on inside a man’s
mind.

When a woman feels hurt, scared, or uncertain
with a man… oftentimes she will act out on her
feelings in indirect ways to try and get the man
to see what she’s feeling and relate to her and
start talking about it.

She wants for a man to recognize and pay
attention to her feelings… and to UNDERSTAND
her.

But this is NOT how men react and respond
when it comes to pain, fear, and uncertainty.

Men seek to avoid or break through all these
things… and their minds are constantly working
to figure out how to get rid of these things
altogether.

Of course, love and life and relationships
don’t work this way. But it doesn’t keep men
from trying, or from wanting the world around
them to work this way.

Point being, when a woman shows up and acts
overly emotional, upset, insecure… and does
things that are UNATTRACTIVE to a man, it’s bad
enough.

But then when a woman sees the damage that
her behavior has done to her relationship with
a man… and she starts to FEEL BAD about that
too… things quickly go from bad to worse.

Each time she calls a man and he hears her
voice, he instantly knows she’s still in that
place of fear, worry, and emotional uncertainty.

And this will keep pushing the man further
and further away.

The answer isn’t to try and talk through all
your uncertain feelings with a man – if you’re
goal is to connect with him and keep building
his interest and attraction for you.

The answer is to do the things that create
attraction in HIM.

Translation – stop talking and thinking about
the PROBLEMS you’re feeling between you… and
start being the woman a man naturally feels
excited and joyful with when he’s around.

THEN… when you’re in a close and connected
place, talking to a man and getting him to
share and understand, and even initiate
conversations with you about your feelings and
your relationship, will be easier than you ever
thought possible.

So stop doing the things that you’re learning
PUSH MEN AWAY… and START doing the things that
tons of other women have learned naturally build
more interest and ATTRACTION inside a man.

Now, for lots of women it can be a long and
frustrating process trying to figure out what
it is that makes a man experience that magic
FEELING of ATTRACTION when he’s with a woman…
and to feel it so strongly that he literally
can’t keep himself from wanting to be with you.

Some women spend their entire lives doing
all the WRONG THINGS with the RIGHT MEN in
their relationships… only to finally figure
out too late all the things they were doing
pretty much guaranteed that a man would stop
feeling attraction for them as time went on.

And some women, even after they’ve “done
the work” and gotten rid of all the negative
patterns in their life that kept them from
drawing a man to them for lasting love, still
can’t clue into the ‘hard-to-identify’ but simple
things that make a man keep “feeling it” for
them.

Luckily, I’ve done all the “homework” for
you in this area to help you learn and understand
what it is that a man will respond to on a deep
emotional level.

A man needs a woman to trigger something
inside him that goes much much deeper than the
common Physical Attraction that men can and do
experience for many women… if he’s going to
feel and know that a woman is not just any woman,
but the ONE WOMAN he wants to be with.

And by the way, if you’re making serious
mistakes with a man such as:

-Trying to convince him to like you, want you,
or to stay with you… and completely losing
your composure when you see any sign of him
losing interest in you

-Calling him too much and trying to be the one
to make plans and make sure that you spend time
together and see each other

-Becoming upset with him when he doesn’t call,
then not knowing how to get your feelings out
and communicate with him without creating an
even worse situation for yourself

Then here’s the thing…

You’ve probably been doing these kinds of
things for a while in your life… and not just
with this one man in particular.

You’ve probably been doing these kinds of
things for a while as a PATTERN in your own life
with the other men in your past as well.

In other words, it’s not just the SITUATION
that is bringing up all these emotional responses
and reactions inside you.

It’s that on a deeper emotional level, YOU
don’t have some critical parts of your own life
“handled” or together… and it’s showing up in
your relationship with a man and pushing him
away.

Don’t let what you aren’t aware of about
yourself but could quickly get handled keep
you from the love and the relationship you want.

If you find yourself losing your composure
too often, letting your emotions take over and
regretting it too often after the fact… and
you’re starting to recognize that not all of
what you’re doing and choosing to do with a man
is totally CONSCIOUS… then it’s time you took
the time and the steps to take care of what’s
going on INSIDE YOU first.

Once you take care of what’s happening inside
you on an emotional, spiritual, and psychological
level… a lot of the things outside you that
a man sees and experiences will start to take
care of themselves.

And you’ll start to magnetically ATTRACT
a man and create the right situations and the
right relationship from the inside out.


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